Even if the sun refused to shine Even if romance went out of rhyme You would still have my heart Until the end of time

Kepala berserabut. Pikir pasal kerja lagi, pasal benda lain lagi. Benda yang tak perlu pun terpikir2. Ahahaha. Ingatkan bila dah habis MSQH Survey, boleh relaks sikit, tapi ternyata gua tertipu. Ekekeke. Entah la. Rasa macam makin banyak kerja je.

Result kepada berserabut, I am absentminded. I have always been slightly head-in-the-cloud-y, but this time it's really bad. It's like my head is somewhere in Jupiter. The other day when I was at YogurBerry with Irah (Terkejut tak aku dah tak makan ais? Terkejut kan kan kan :P), I left my phone on the table and walked off, only to realize it two hours later. Nasib baik adik YogurBerry tu baik, dia simpankan. Kalau tak menangis air mata darah la the phone is barely a month old. Aaand he chose it for me so ada la sentimental value plus plus plus di situ hehehehe.

Semalam tertinggal botol air kat pub & bar Eagle Ranch Resort, Port Dickson. Takde effect sangat, pasal botol tu aku beli sendiri. Sebenarnya cam ternganga mendengar harga nak buat kursus yang expensive gila sampai lupa botol air. RM150 for rental of the padang? What the? Padang tu dibuat dari emas ke? Ah tak tau la. Kesimpulannya, the kursus will not be held there. Though, I still am upset that the director insisted the course be done on a long weeked, during the school holidays. Seolah2 tiada keperihatinan.

Ah, if I wanted to rant about work, I could go on forever. So I'll stop now.

Ciao.

A white note

I'm really glad Ikha called me today. People say they want you to be happy, but oftentimes when you are, you can just sense this disapproving aura, even without them saying anything, especially if you're close. But with Ikha, I can tell her what I'm really feeling, and she'd be happy for me :). And I am happy. I really am. If I, perchance, die tomorrow, I might have not have a million dollars, or own a private island, but I would be truly content.

Black cloud

Hari ni, pagi2 dah rasa melancholic. Sekarang pulak cam sedih je. Ditambah lagi dengan hari yang mendung di luar sana. Kenapa? Tak tau. Adakah kerana bakal ditinggalkan oleh orang selatan ittew bila dia balik sana? Ataupun adakah kerana menyesal sebab tak menggunakan sepenuhnya masa yang ada bersama? (nak guna sepenuhnya macamana pun practically every free second is spent with him) Kalau dulu jumpa dua tiga bulan sekali boleh bertahan lagi tapi ni cam every other week ada la perjalanan long distance yang dilakukan. Apakah? I am not looking forward to missing him :(.

I sold my soul You bought it back for me You helped me up And gave me dignity Somehow you needed me

Kalau bendalah blogspot ni bukan free, mesti dah expired dah blog aku ni. Hahahahaha.

I have been very, very busy with work. Haritu masa H1N1 initial outbreak busy jugak, tapi tak la stressed out macam ni. It is one thing to be busy doing things you're supposed to do, it's another to be busy doing things thrown at you at random, especially things yang sepatutnya dulu2 dah buat tapi sekarang baru terkial2 nak siapkan pasal accreditation. Huh. I now oficially hate accreditations. Kalau hospital ni dapat MSQH accreditation, adakah akan dapat peruntukan lebih, or increase in staff? I don't think so. Yang orang akan kata bila you display the huge banner saying Hospital ini telah memperolehi akreditasi MSQH is that, "Aik, hospital akreditasi pun waiting time sampai lima jam ke?". Pastu of course la orang2 atasan yang ada prefix depan nama2 mereka itu akan start "Pengurusan la ni! Tak efficient!". Aahhh lagi stress!

I don't think I've ever been this stressed out before. Stress masa exams and thesis writing in university pun tak macam ni, because back then you get to plan things, and if you don't finish it in time, nak stress buat apa, salah kau sendiri kan, siapa suruh buat kerja last minit. Ni semua instructions diakhiri dengan statement, "Saya nak bendalah ni hari ni jugak! Saya tak pedulik awak buat macamana!". Kalau time university boleh la stay up tak tido buat kerja, sekarang ni aku balik from office pun dah nak masuk esok, bilanye nak buat semua tu???

*boom kepala meletup*

I want take him out again tonight. Agak selfish la kan since he probably has to prepare for his presentation tomorrow and whatnot and kalau keluar deting ngan aku of course la akan balik lewat kan eheh. Mula2 nak makan dinner je pastu nampak lak kasut "Ooo kasut saya dah rosak *muka sedih*." "Ala siannya jom kita gi cari k..." pastu tengah2 cari kasut nampak lak kedai donat "Ooo lamanye saya tak makan Big Apple." "Haaa jom kita gi lepak sana jap." pastu keluar kedai donat je nampak TGV / GSC "Eh cerita baru tu dah kuar la!" "Eh jom gi nengok!" pastu ending2nye dah tengah malam balik umah terus pengsan. Haha.

Cheh. Entry ni takde motif rupanya.

I am Auntie Sareq!

Two of my most favorite people in the world!

They both make me really, really happy :).

Love takes time To heal when you're hurting so much Couldn't see that I was blind To let you go

Baru lepas baca blog Ella pasal khazanah jiwang (malas nak buat kerja sebenarnya). Teringat hari tu masa kemas2 bilik lama kat umah parents before the renovation started, there were a couple of boxes of keepsakes that I had to go through. I kept them for last, because I was afraid that the contents would bring back memories I no longer wish to remember.

Ada satu ni, kotak surat menyurat and message2 masa sekolah (Ye aku simpan. So sue me!). Dalam tu ada semua kad2 birthday sepanjang tempoh 5 tahun duduk JB (Banyak gak ghopenye budak2 Goonies ni belikan birthday card untuk aku. Jasamu dikenang.) termasuk la mesej2 dari *cough* toing *cough* yang tua mahupun muda. Hidup lagi ke korang2? Harap2 sihat hendaknya, dan tidak lagi kelihatan seperti lelaki macho.

Dalam tu jugak ada poems and stories yang ditulis oleh otak2 perv (jangan tak mengaku, aku kenal tulisan masing2). Yang paling banyak sekali are the ones yang kena sambung2 cerita tu. Tau tak? On a piece of buku latihan paper (tak leh pakai kertas besar, tak jadi), write down two lines of a story. Pastu lipat kertas tu so that only the second line is visible (and of course the rest of the blank page) and pass the paper to another person to write another two lines. Pastu lipat and pass and so on. Lepas dah selesai (tak lama pun, kertas tu kan kecik je) bukak and baca your own stupidity. Go on. It's fun.

Lagi satu kotak ni dia besar sikit dari yang lain. Isi dia banyak, penuh. Dulu isi dia best, tapi sekarang dah tak. I salvaged all the toys for my niece. Untung dia ada a whole set of 'Monsters Inc.' and 'The Inredibles' Happy Meal toys. Pastu bila dia dah besar sikit and have stopped putting everything in her mouth, I will introduce her to my collection of Jumping Beans and teach her of the endless joy of watching them leap over one another. Benda2 lain dalam kotak tu aku buang. Ada silver jewelry and music boxes and playing cards and movie ticket stubs and kotak rokok and pictures and cards with hearts and kisses and letters with my name surrounded by hearts and kisses. For the most part of the afternoon, I sat there tearing them into small pieces between the words I will love you and forever and You are my and only one and I will never and leave you. They filled one whole garbage bag.

But the best thing was, by the end of it, I felt a million times better of the place I am in today. Being here is always good, but for the longest time, I kept fighting it, because I was so, so sad before that I thought there was no way this level of contentment is possible. Now I know why. God emptied my heart so thoroughly back then, so that I would have space for all the love I have now. And that love increases exponentially every day, it's ridiculous! I swear, one day I am going to burst, just from sheer happiness.

Goosey goosey gander Where shall I wander? Upstairs, downstairs And in my lady's chambers

There is a junior from my high school doing her attachment here. I don't know if I should tell her that I recognize her. It was her name, actually, that made me notice her, because it wasn't common. I'm not going to introduce myself, anyway, at least not as her schoolmate. I was suprised that I recognized her at all, since I don't pay much attention to people, more so juniors, but I was even more suprised because I did not like her. At all. And that attitude hasn't changed a bit! She was the kind of junior who would refuse to greet her seniors, and would defend her place in line when a senior wants to cut in (things you didn't do back when seniority rules still applied and the school system still relevant). To think of it, she was kind of like me, except with much, much more annoying high-pitched voice and an even worse know-all attitude. At least I was quiet and kept to myself.

The little one!

Meet the new addition to the Goonies family. Loyal readers would know that I am not partial to babies, but I have a soft spot for this one because when we showed up at the house, his mother went all "Bestnye korang datang!" like she really meant it. Ekekeke :P. My ex-bedmate has a baby. Awh.

It's good when the food is delicious, but it's great when the company is fun

Today was Neyn's open house. As usual, it was all good food and good company. I ate a lot. Huh. I lost some weight during the fasting month, but I feel like I'm gaining it all back instantly. I miss the days during school when I didn't care what I weighed because I was too busy having fun and living life. Now, it's confusing. I eat well and people at work say I'm fat. I stay in and they harp at me for not going out to lunch. I didn't use to care much, but it does get to you after a while. I pity him, mostly, for having to hear my rants about people's comments bothering me.

I have a wedding to go to tomorrow, before Harris Danial's aqiqah. The wedding thing, I don't really feel like going, but it's sort of an obligation. I've learnt that being an adult, sometimes you have to do things you don't want to, and that sucks. But I am looking forward to meeting Ita's son. Yay!

Late Raya post

Aidil Fitri was... great. Lots of good food, and I got to meet lots of long-lost relatives. But I miss him, and I didn't feel much like taking pictures. So... yeah. My life's boring like that. But I love it.