Monday, January 16, 2017

Your children vividly remember every unkind thing you ever did to them, plus a few you really didn't.

For the past few days, Arif has been down with a fever. It's not uncommon for the children to get sick, since they go to daycare and don't exactly have the best hygiene habits (picking stuff off the floor and eating it - anyone?), but his fever lasted longer than usual this time, even after medication, and it was worrying. He's all right now, anyway, but it was certainly an exhausting weekend.

While we've been busy tending to Arif (mainly monitoring his temperature and feeding him his medication - that kid fights like an animal every time!), Alia became needy and clingy. With me not getting enough sleep and on frazzled nerves (Fit is not the best person to care for a sick child - he gets panicky at the slightest temperature increase), she was constantly at the receiving end of my short temper.

It broke my heart to see the bewildered look on her face when I snapped at her for leaving her stuff in my way, or for not doing something quickly enough, or for not answering the minute I called. At that moment, I told myself that I would apologize to her and give her a hug later, but then her brother caught my attention again and I forgot. And I keep forgetting, until it is late at night and she's sleeping in her bed and I feel guilty for all the times I've been unfair to her.

I know I need to treat my children better and spend more time nurturing them instead of disciplining them. I get so tired all the time, and when I'm not, I can't seem to be able to just sit down with them and chill without my mind whirring on things that needed to be done around the house. People say that cleaning and laundry can wait, but if I don't clean, the house will be a mess when we wake up and the children will trip over their toys, and if I don't wash clothes, or iron, there will be nothing for us to wear to work and school. It's a conundrum!

(Title quote by Mignon McLaughlin.)

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